I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
