I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
