Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
