So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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