i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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