OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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