We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
My vagina is officially offended.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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