Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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