You're completely useless in the revolution.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
