So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Sorry about my life...
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
