I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Randomize
