:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
