Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
