But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
