so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
