i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
