Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
