I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize