Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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