I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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