Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Are my feet made of real feet?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize