It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize