i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize