so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
