WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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