Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
