my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Randomize
