I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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