This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
