Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
