Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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