Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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