I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
