Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
My bed smells like the plague
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
