why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Randomize
