Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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