Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
