i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
