Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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