you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
