yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
