What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
