I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
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