honey bunches of taint.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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