Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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