Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
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