get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
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