I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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