And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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