Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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