Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
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