Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
