I'll bet she douches with gravy.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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