If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
