so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
