No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Bring me that man meat
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
