Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Randomize
