His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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