I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
