VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
