Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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