I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize