So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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