He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
