Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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