Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
where does the pee come out of this thing
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
The ass gains better be worth it
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