Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
