Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
