u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
